(Audacity are in the midst of a 27-date “Panda Express” tour with The Coathangers. I got to hang out with them all night when they played at the Empty Bottle on April 11th. Their tour runs through the end of this month, find dates here).
As stated above, I hung out with Audacity all night and that also entailed doing poppers all night. Now let’s be clear: this stuff is legal and I guess it’s meant to loosen you’re a**hole before a** sex, but you can also huff it and it makes you feel like a wacky waving inflatable - or at least that’s how it made me feel.
According to Cameron (bass), his “goose was loose” and “[felt] great. It’s like the best feeling of feeling like shit in the world. It’s like when you can’t get regular, you just need a bag of prunes and a bottle of poppers”; Kyle (guitar) could “feel the fucking sap leaking out of [his] butthole”, Matt (vocals, guitar) felt his “heart beating in his face”; and well, Thomas (drums; pictured above on the left) was MIA with a statement.
So while we were all sniffing and tripping I made Audacity regale me with some stories.
Thomas: We played Grinnell College last night and we all got really drunk and Matty was being annoying and I was pretending like I was going to pee on him and he poured a beer on my leg and so I actually peed on him.
Kyle: I think I just peed myself a little a bit, I peed so much on myself last night, like, when I was going to the bathroom. I was very sloppy last night. We only pee once a day.
Thomas: I broke Matty’s nose one time and I threw a dildo at his face one time.
Kyle: We had a friend in San Francisco we were staying with who ran a dildo factory and gave us a bag of dildos and we took them on tour with us.
Cameron: Two or three days ago we were in Iowa City and we were pretty drunk and Matty was the last one up and he had to cut his shoes off with a knife. He woke up and said “I was so drunk last night I had to cut myself out of my shoes” and I thought it was a figure of speech or something like that.
Robyn: We should put that on Urban Dictionary.
After the show we migrated to the top of the Congress Roof, where there was no more beer, but plenty of poppers.
Cameron: Once we were at SXSW and our buddy wanted us to go to one last party. So we go there and it was a backyard tall bike gang called the Skidmarks and all these crusty dudes were there with free beer and a lady skinning an owl topless, and all the bartenders were topless, and they had a van called the Bone Zone with a dirty mattress in the back and there was a live web cam of people having sex in it. It was pretty gnarly – we didn’t watch it – well...ok maybe...
Matt: People were throwing pizza at each other, one dude had a dildo with a knife hooked at the end of it and he was running around trying to stab his friends. And people were throwing up in each other’s mouths. So then this guy played and his name was Goat which stands for God of All Texas, and he’s got this big old beard and long ass hair and he’s wearing American flag tighty whities and his song went something like “Can you quack like a duck when you suck...”
Cameron: A guy made a mixture of beer, Four Loko, No Doz, and Five Hour Energy in a capped spray-painted bottle – those were very potent (gnarly).
Matt: Once we were at Third Man Records recording with King Tuff and Jack White’s toilet was really nice and it just stood out to me just as, like, a really nice toilet...it was just super beautiful, and I’ve always looked up to Jack White a lot. But when I saw his successful toilet I felt nothing but pure envy and jealousy because I wanted that nice of a toilet to sit on everyday, when I should have been like, “Oh wow this is over the top." So I went back and told Thomas and we both pooped in it.
Robyn: This is a dumb question but I’m going to ask it anyway, how has Chicago been for you tonight?
Matt: We got a slice of pizza near the Empty Bottle and it was huge and came with a free soda and we wanted to be nice and buy a homeless guy a piece of pizza so we got him pepperoni and he yelled at us and was like “Why didn’t you get me a cheese pizza!?” But despite that I still love Chicago and this is a chill ass rooftop and we’re 50-60 feet up in the air right now. We love the Midwest, the people that come to the shows here, etc., it’s like the Midwest is a direct portal to Southern California, and we have so many connections out here.
Here are some other things I learned about Audacity: they LOVE Thin Lizzy, their favs at SXSW this year were American Sharks and Natural Child, they don’t mind doing chilly willies (essentially snorting tequila out of the top of a shot glass), and at about 3 a.m. I took my final popper and proceeded to puke all over the roof, alongside the beautiful Chicago skyline, with the warm spring-ish air on my face, and Audacity looked on in disgust, but they didn’t hold it against me so they’re cool.
Remaining Tour Dates (w/ The Coathangers):
4-17 - BABY'S ALLRIGHT in Brooklyn, NY
4-18 - MERCURY LOUNGE in New York, NY
4-19 - KUNG FU NECKTIE in Philadelphia
*420* - COMET PING PONG in DC
4-22 - STRANGE MATTER in Richmond, VA
4-23 - MILESTONE CLUB in Charlotte, NC
4-24 - THE PILOT LIGHT in Knoxville, TN
4-25 - SLUGGO'S in Chattanooga, TN
4-26 - ATLANTA MESS AROUND
4-27 - CIRCLE BAR in New Orleans, LA
4-28 - THE KOROVA in San Antonio, TX
4-29 - HOTEL VEGAS in Austin, TX
4-30 - THE MONARCH in El Paso, TX
Pick up the latest Audacity LPs, tapes, and 7" singles HERE!